02.17.03 | The London Report

So, you might be wondering, "What happened to that Brent guy? Did he make it to London, or did he end up being kidnapped and turned into a sex slave in Singapore?" Well, I'm writing to tell you that I have arrived in London thanks to the caring arms of my fiancée, Claudine.

I've been here for about a month now. I thought I'd write up a summary of what's being going on so far, as well as give you my fresh insights on Londontown.

I don't expect you to read all of this. Well, you can, if you're bored. But I broke it down into sections for easier digestion.

Where I Live
I live in West Kensington, an area sandwiched by Hammersmith (to the west) and Earl's Court (to the east). It's in central London, which means easy access to most things. Hyde Park is located to the northeast of me; it's about a 30-minute walk to get there.

The Flat
Our "apartment complex" is the proudly named Kensington Mansions. After squinting and consuming a few pints, it just might vaguely look like a mansion. It's divided into about 50 different flats. Ours, a one-bedroom, is pretty small, though we have a giant walk-in closet - 132 square feet. Conveniently, the walk-in closet also serves as our bedroom.

When I first got here, I spent about two days assembling a giant Ikea wardrobe to increase our storage space. Fashionable the wardrobe is not, but it performs its task adequately.

Our bed is full-size and measures about 53 inches wide. In LA, I had a queen-size to myself. The first few nights were a battle for precious real estate. Elbows, knees and cold feet are great weapons. I'm saving my secret weapon - farting and then flapping the sheets up and down - for when it's direly needed.

We have a dorm-size fridge, one sink without a garbage disposal, a mini clothes washer (no dryer) and radiators for heat. No dishwasher. Claudine has expertly crafted a system to store our pots and pans into two meager drawers; I keep forgetting where each item goes and, consequently, mess everything up.

I estimate our total square footage to be about 350.

People
Haven't met too many yet, but most seem nice. Culturally, it's really diverse. Just walking around the tube stations, you'll see many different colors and hear many different languages. Of course, it's super crowded everywhere you go.

Cars
There are no SUVs in sight. Everything is small. Fiats, VWs, Peugeots, Vauxhalls and London cabs are prevalent. Surprisingly, there is a good percentage of high-dollar stuff mixed in. A lot of Porsches, plus some TVRs, Jags, BMWs and Mercs. London isn't as high-dollar as Los Angeles, but it's better than most. There are also a lot of convertibles. I don't understand that.

Ironically, London seems to be an absolutely awful place to own a car. There's no parking and traffic crawls along and backs up all day. When I used to be stuck in LA traffic, I would sometimes joke that I could walk faster. Now it's true.

My favorite car so far is a beat-up Seat Marbella. It's usually parked outside our flat. I dig the red primer and front-mounted brush guard.

Tire Tracks All Across Your Back
We don't have a car (not that you really need one here), so I walk or take the Underground to get just about everywhere. Traffic drives on the left side of the street, so I had to relearn which way to look before crossing the street. Almost got run over during one of the first few days I was here.

No Need For Sunglasses
The weather here is a lot like Los Angeles' -- it's very consistent. But instead of constant sun and warmth, here you have constant cold, overcast skies and drizzle. It's been sunny about once a week. Here's something rare: it snowed! Yep, we got about two inches here during an early January day. I made snowmen on our balcony.

The weather is slowly improving, though. The end of February has been almost nice, with no rain and a bit of sunshine.

TV
For the first month, we didn't have a TV, and I was deathly afraid of missing all the great cricket action. In order to use a TV, one must buy a TV license. The license costs about $160 and must be renewed each year. If you do not get the license, you run the risk of being fined $1500. Apparently, there are TV police crews whose job it is to crack down on offenders. An American coworker of Claudine's didn't bother getting the license when he first moved here. Within 24 hours of hooking up his TV, the TV Nazis came knocking on his door. It seems that TV shops report every purchase, which is then cross-referenced with the license list.

Pub Names
I've been to just a few pubs, but I love the names. Here are some of my favorites: The Cock and Bottle. The Dog and Duck. The Spread Eagle. The Dog and Bacon. The Elm. The Eastern Monk. The Three Kings. The Hogshead. The Nag's Head. Slug and Lettuce.

Now's the Time on Sprockets When We Dance
People love to wear dark clothing here. Yesterday, I was riding on the Underground and there was a girl sitting opposite of me wearing black boots, black pants, a black undershirt, a black button shirt and a black jacket. Her hair was black. She did go a bit crazy with her purse, though; it was black with some multicolored sequins.

Suffice to say, my wardrobe hasn't really been compatible. Eventually, I went to the Gap and bought a bunch of black stuff.

Domesticated Brent
Claudine leaves for work at 7 a.m. and frequently doesn't get home till 7 or 8 p.m. Her commute (using the Underground and transit buses) is about 45 minutes to an hour each way. The British-mandated work week is currently 48 hours (though Enterprise gives her six weeks of vacation a year!).

This has me doing most of the cleaning, dish washing and errand running. Here, not having a car is annoying. You can only buy what you can carry home (and fit in the fridge). I've been going food shopping about 3-4 times a week. There are a few small grocery stores around, a few small markets and an open-air market available. Most of the food is the same, though occasionally you'll see some weird stuff, like "beef paste," prawn-flavored chips and, of course, meat pies. We've gone out to eat a few times, but with Claudine being the fab chef she is, I see little reason to drop loads of cash on the pricey restaurants available.

With all of this shopping and laundry to do, I haven't had much extra time. I haven't done much writing or exploring. Hopefully once things settle more, I'll be able to focus. << REWIND