08.08.03 | Wedding Planning

Wedding planning is such a strange experience. There are so many Things that require decisions. First, there are the Big Things, such as:

When is it going to be?
Where is it going to be?
Who is going to be in it?
Who is going to be invited?
Who is going to pay for it?

Once these have been decided, there is a lull in the action. Everything seems OK. But then Little Things start to creep up. And these are worse because they multiply and become a fiendish horde, like ants invading your kitchen pantry. But unlike ants, they cannot be mass exterminated. Every detail must be taken on and dealt with individually.

What will the centerpieces look like?
What will the flower colors be?
Where will the flowers be?
How is the chuppah going to be supported?
What style and color of invitations?
Band or DJ?
Music, singing or both for the ceremony?
What type of dress? Hairstyle? Veil? Shoes?
What will the attendants wear?
Bow tie or regular tie? Vest? What color of vest?
Party favors?
What if it rains?
What kind of food?
What style of cake? What flavor?
What type of ceremony will we have? Long? Short?
How much of each faith do we include?
Where will guests stay?
How will we get to the wedding?
What events will be planned for before and after the wedding?

In the abstract, it would be nice to go to one of the wedding-oriented web sites, put "one wedding and honeymoon" in your online shopping basket for May 23, 2004 and be done with it. It would be just like ordering a sweater from Banana Republic, only $24,950 more expensive.

Certain married friends (my sister, for instance, who just celebrated her one-year anniversary) have told me, "Elope. Save your money. It's not worth it." I feel like this is the type of advice given to heroes and heroines in action movies. Mystical or creepy characters provide foreboding information that you, the audience, instantly recognize as correct -- obviously, it would be unwise to go to Big Scary Mountain to fight the great black dragon -- yet the hero ignores this critical tidbit info because he is on a mission, avenging his brother, fighting for justice or really stubborn. Or maybe just stupid.

I feel pretty normal about the whole planning thing. That is to say, as a man, I rarely have an opinion on anything. Claudine will show me pictures of Things -- flowers, invitations, hemlines, hairstyles -- and my Excitement-O-Meter barely registers. There's one set of invitations that I like. And I'm quite proud of that. For just about everything else, there is indifference. In hopes of not seeming like a complete blob, I will try to pick up on Claudine's opinion as she shows items to me.

"What do you think of these curvy lines?" she will ask, pointing to the frosted details of a photographed wedding cake.

"Hmm..." I will say, pausing as if in great thought.

"I don't like how they're all bunched together," she will then say.

"Ah, yes, I see." And we move on to the next picture. Somehow, I feigned input without really doing anything at all.

In Claudine's defense, she is not the typical woman. Much of this planning is being forced upon her. She does not relish it. She has not been carrying a preconceived notion of what her wedding will be like in her head since age 10. Every Sunday night she talks to her mom. And for the remaining hours that night her head is spinning with all sorts of new decisions to make on Things. << REWIND