11.04.04 | Ackbar for President

So Bush is president again. It was interesting to experience the election from abroad. The British paid more attention to it than I would have thought. I suppose there is always going to be some interest. American events do tend to affect other countries, after all. But I suspect this one was extra special by virtue of it being particularly close and the fact that Europeans generally hold Bush in very low regard. Suffice to say, I was never in need of going to the American media for election coverage.

As usual, my coworkers naturally assumed I knew everything about America and questioned me frequently about the election. They wanted to hear my opinions on who I thought was going to win, what were "swing states" and whether I could, or would, vote.

As for the last one, I had fully intended to. But, erm, well, it didn't work out that way. Seems that my voter apathy from living in California had dumped me off the voter registries and it was too late to register by the time I really looked into getting an absentee ballot.

My coworkers blamed me for Kerry's loss.

Not that I was particularly enthusiastic about Kerry. I suspect this is the main reason Bush won. Kerry didn't provide enough of a reason to change.

About a week ago, I was trying to think of other people I would have gladly chosen to be president. After considering all of my required qualities - intelligent, calculating, charismatic, diplomatic, strong leadership - I quickly noticed that I couldn't think of very many people that I would really want. John McCain always interested me but I don't really know enough about him. Plus, he already lost to Bush. Who else? All of the other Democratic candidates this year were losers. People seem to like Barack Obama. Maybe in a few years. Steve Jobs? Right.

So I was left with thinking about fictional characters. Here are my top three.

	CAPTAIN PICARD Fits all of my criteria. Truly a man to unite America and restore the country's standing with the rest of the world. (Yeah, OK, Picard is French in Star Trek. And Patrick Stewart is British. But hey, this is my list.)
	ADMIRIAL ACKBAR Can make tough decisions. "Concentrate all remaining firepower on that Super Star Destroyer." See? That's just the same as "Raise taxes, cut Medicare and fix the budget deficit."
	RIPLEY Doesn't take any shit. For example: PRESIDENTIAL AIDE: "Mrs. President, France is acting up again. They demand we reduce our farm subsidies." RIPLEY: "Nuke them from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

Sigh. Too bad it's not to be. I heard that Texas introduced a new constitutional amendment to change the American flag. Here's the mockup:

Thank you, and good night. << REWIND